If I were gay
by Chiharu Yuizaki
Summary: Sequel to If you were gay. Harry responses to Draco's moves on him with a song to rival that of Ron's. HPDM SLASH


Title: If I were gay

Summary: Sequel to If you were gay. Harry responses to Draco's moves on him with a song to rival that of Ron's. HP/DM SLASH

Disclaimer: If I were gay was sung by Stephen Lynch. Harry Potter was written by J.K. Rowling. I have nil.

* * *

Harry Potter walked the Hallways of Hogwarts, intent on getting to his destination at once, ignoring the pitter-patter of shoes that was walking behind him. Oh yes, he ignored thaat sound, he also ignored the owner of the shoes that was making that sound. That was the only way. The only way. 

But after a while, the tapping of shoes started to grate his nerves, not to mention the added annoyance of a hum. He turned around and glared at one smirking Draco Malfoy. But before he could inflict any insult or pain to the boy, he was beaten to it.

"Oh, hello, Harry. Nice weather we're having, huh?" Draco said as if noticing Harry for the first time.

Harry opened his mouth to retort, but thought better of it and merely turned his back on Draco again before heading to the Gryffindor Common Room.

Surely, Draco Malfoy won't go in there, what with it being packed with half-bloods and blood traitors and mudbloods.

His plan, however, was foiled, for as he said the password and entered the room, Draco Malfoy followed suit.

"Why are you following me?" he asked, deceptively calm, eyeing the blonde. "And don't you say _because I wanted to talk about the weather_ becauueI know you know I know I couldn't give a rats ass about the weather, Malfoy!"

Malfoy merely smiled. "I wasn't going to talk about the weather. I was -for your information- going to ask you if you wanted some of these." he took out a box from his robe and handed it to Harry.

Harry stared at the velvet red box and opened it. Inside wereorange colored chocolates. Harry looked up at Draco who wore a satisfied smirk. "What thehell are these?"

"Chocolates." Were the simple reply.

Harry shook his head. "I know it's chocolates, but why are they...orange?" It seemed like such a stupid qquestion, why are they orange. Of course, the answer was -or rather, seemed simple itself. Draco Malfoy wanted to poison Harry Potter by making him eatorange chocolates laced with some sort of fast acting poison. But the hardest question to answer, would seem to be, why Malfoy was doing his dastradly act so obviously, blatantly so that if Harry were to drop dead this instant from eating those chocolates, he would be the first suspect. Surely Malfoy knew better than that?

"They're not poisoned, if that's what you're thinking. That's just food coloring that was added in."

"Did you MAKE this?"

Draco snorted in response. "Pfft. Do you think I made that?"

"No."

"Good, because I didn't. I bought it at this store in Hogsmeade - no, not Honeydukes- but in another store. You might not know it though, because they only sell expensive things there." he said, rather haugthily.

Draco Malfoy left the Common Room sporting a black eye but with a self-satisfied smirk, mumbling. "he's got it hard for me..."

* * *

"So you've betted ten galleons that Harry was gay?" Ron asked.

Hermione shook her head. "No of course not, we betted ten galleons."

"By we, you mean, you and your imaginary friends, right?"

Hermione glared. "No, ROnald, by we, I meant, you and I, together."

Ron cleared his throat. "You know, HErmione,that's all well and dandy, problem is, I haven't a knut on me."

"So you don't think Harry's gay?" she asked, rather suddenly. "Even when you were singing his homosexuality to him?"

Ron turned tomato red. "No, I know he's gay, t hat's why I'm worried about the ten galeons."

"Well don't worry about so mcuh. Malfoy wouldn't collect the money anyway."

She was greeted with a blank look.

Hermione gave a wicked grin. "His reward for making Harry admit it would far exceed ten galleons."

Another blank stare with a "huh?"

"Honestly." She frowned. "Just wait and see Ron, wait and see."

* * *

"Malfoy, please, I am begging you, leave me alone!" Harry cried, looking at Draco with an exasperated face.

"What? What did I do? I didn't do anything!" Draco eylled, idigant, but with a sadistic smile.

"Merlin, what did I do to deserve this! Wasn't it enough that I have a crazy-snake like freak wanting to kill me? Why do you have to send me a deranged blonde stalker too! Why do you hate me so?" Harry cried, looking at the nice sunny sky outside, envying the students on the grass, having fun, while he was stuck upstairs in the Common Room, his plan to be rid Draco Malfoy going down the toilet like Moaning Myrtle when flushed.

Draco shook his head. "Actually, you should be very happy that I'm even paying attention to you, you silly plebian. If I wasn't smitten over you so much, I would have beaten you up to a bloody pulp by now for making me wait this long to snog you senseless."

"Then please, just kill me now!"

"Just say the magic words and I will, Potter. I'll send you on cloud 9." Draco spoke, wiggling his eyebrows, his face full of hidden agenda.

"Malfoy you are one sick bastard!" Harry cried, taking the bottle of firewhiskey, and pouring himself another glassfull, chugging the whole glass down in one gulp.

"Whoa Potter, I didn't know you were such a heavy drinker. Can you hold yourself up?" Draco asked, really not caring that much. Still, it would be a shame if Harry's face is ruined while they were shagging later.

Harry shook his head. "Malfoy, I already told you, I'm not gay."

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, Potter. But that's okay, you're on your second step to self-acceptance."

Harry looked like a fish out of water. "And where did you learn that?"

"In a book the mudblood had. The first step is anger, that was when you punched my lights out. The second step is denial, this is where we are right now, drinking like a fish. Third step is blaming others. So you'll probably try to attack Weasel and mudblood. Fourth step is bartering. This means, you'll give up your Firebolt just so that you won't be gay. The last step is acceptance!"

"Draco, those are the steps to overcoming grief over the lost of a loved on. Hermione gave me that book from when Sirius died." Harry pointed.

"Hey, you say muggle born, I say mudblood, same difference." Draco shrugged, uncaring.

Harry shook his head. Really, the boy was irritating, with his whiny voice and annoying drawl and stupid sarcastic comments, and his nice soft blonde hair and pretty gray eyes. And what-- no, no, no, he was not gay. Most definitely not gay. Sure, he thought some of the guys in school were exceptionally beautiful, like Malfoy, but that doesn't mean he was gay. He just hinks that they're good looking in a purely aesthetic way. Right?

"This is idiotic." Harry grumbled, grabbing a guitar out of nowhere. "I'll prove to you I'm not gay."

Draco merely raised his brow in amusement. "Yes Potter, because you know, singing about your angst to me isn't a very gay thing to do."

Harry ignored him and started playing.

"Here we are dear old friend  
You and I drunk again  
Laughs have been had and tears have been shed  
maybe the whiskey's gone to my head"

He sang as he played the guitar, a spotlight on him.

Draco Malfoy couldn't help but feel turned on.

"But if I were gay I would give you my heart  
And if I were gay you'd be my work of art  
And if i were gay we would swim in romance  
But I'm not gay, so get your hand out of my pants." Harry sang as he swatted Draco's foreign hand roaming the zipper of his pants.

Draco Malfoy caressed his wounded hand, glaring at Potter, for trying toseduce him and then leaving him hanging. I mean, why else would the bastard boy-who-forgot-to-live-and-is-now-trying-to-prove-his-sexuality would be doing this?

"It's not thatI don't care" Harry spoke and whispered seductively to Draco, "I do."

The blonde shivered in anticipation.

"I just don't see myself in you."

Draco frowned. Talk about high expectations and low fulfillment.

"Another time another scene  
I'd be right behind you if you know whatI mean."

Harry wiggled his eyebrows suggestively this time, a smile on his lips.

"'Cause if I were gayI would give you my soul  
And if I were gay I would give you my whole..." Harry added hastily, seeing the predatory look on Draco's face "...being"

Draco's face dropped down.

"And if I were gay we would tear down the walls  
But I'm not gay, so won't you stop cupping my..." Harry grabbed his hand back from where Draco was strating to lick it. "...hand"

"We've never hugged  
We've never kissed"

Harry sang in a rather merry voice.

"I could fix that." Draco said.

"I've never been intimate with your fist."

"I could fix that too."

Harry ignored him and focused on his song, ignoring the way Draco was taking off his robe, leaving the black uniform standard at Hogwarts.

"You have opened brand new doors"

This time, Harry couldn't ignore the fact that Draco's shirt is off, his upper body bare naked, somehow glistening.

That was when Harry got his epiphany. Well, not really. Truth be told, just because you sleep with the Slytherin Sex God and your the same sex as said God, that doesn't make you gay. Nope, not at all. Harry Potter was still as straight as a ruler, albeit a bit crooked.

To hell with pride and whatever thing he was associated with as the Golden Boy. He was going to shag Draco Malfoy right here, right now.

Strumming the final line of his song, Harry sang.

"Get over here and drop your...drawers"

Draco Malfoy got the wind knocked out of him when Harry jumped on him, hands unzipping his pants.


End file.
